Tag Archives: counselling

What I’ve learnt on my journey with grief

Grief journey

I have had several losses in my life and been through different journeys with grief. When grief first entered into my life,  it would have been helpful if someone explained the stages of grief to me.  It would’ve been good if someone just told me that grief was normal. I was doing alright. It was ok to feel all those bad feelings. I had to feel them. I tried to ignore them but i needed to go through them all – bad and good. Grief comes with no timetable. It differs from person to person. You have to be patient, and allow the journey unfold and go in whatever direction it takes you. 

So what did I learn from my journey with grief?

I learnt about myself and I changed. For the better. I’ve become empathetic and kinder. I learnt that as hard as it gets, it does get easier. You don’t forget but you do learn to live with the pain.

What are my tips to help others who are grieving? Here are a few points, I think are useful for anyone experiencing grief.

1. Walking

It saved me. I walked for miles. It was a time when I really let you in grief. I cried, I shouted. Every step helped. It got me out of the house and gave me exercise. It allowed me to be myself. Sometimes I stomped. Eventually my step came lighter. I now take this lesson into my work by offering walk/talk therapy.

2. Writing.

When I worked overseas, I wrote to a family member. Each evening I wrote for 10 minutes or so. At the time, I did not realise how therapeutic this was. Evenutally I turned this to writing to the deceased. When I felt lonely. I wrote and told them. It allowed me to share my feelings – anger one day, sadness the next. It helped me recognise what I was feeling. Knowing what I was feeling helped me feel better equipped to deal with the various feelings, especially through the depression stage.

3. Allow yourself to grieve.

I stayed in the numbness stage and managed to supress those feelings. I became an expert at burying them. I do wonder if I accepted those feelings sooner, perhaps I would’ve moved on quicker. It is important to acknowledge the pain. This will be the start of the healing process. It is good to read around and gain some understanding of the grieving cycle.

4. Lean on friends and family.

Friends were there to help. I rejected most help. You think they will be bored with your story but they are not. Embarrassment kept me to keep things to myself. If only I told some of the friends how lost I felt and how I was feeling. I had a lot of expectations from them without telling them what I really wanted from them. If you experience a traumatic death as we did as a family. Talk. Share. Work through that trauma together. Stop thinking you must protect each other.

5. Seek support.

Find a therapist. Counselling what helped me through the depression. Counselling helped me work through the intense emotions and identify the barriers to my grief. It also helped me learn how I react to my emotions.

6. Take care of yourself.

I was bad at this. I did not eat and as a result I had no energy. At times I became lethargic and those were the days when it was easy to do nothing. I slept the day away. I did not go out and hid away from people. I lost my confidence and self-esteem. Arrange times to meet up with friends.

7. Plan for the triggers.

Birthday’s, anniversaries, Christmas, Mother/Father day etc They are all triggers. Often the lead up to them are worse than the actual days. Each year it can still be painful but careful planning does help. You can find out more information here.

 

 

6 easy steps to creating an online blog

Creating a blog online is relatively easy.

The fastest way is set a blog up in WordPress or Blogger. I use WordPress as I find it easy to use. I can choose my own themes, layouts and there are plenty of free plug-ins that add functionality to my blog.  I have created the blog and website myself and I continue to manage myself. I pay for my domain name only. Everything else is free!

This blog post will look at setting up a counselling blog in WordPress. Continue reading

Working with Interpreters in Psychological Therapy

A book Review

Working with interpreters for the first time in a psychological therapy setting sounds daunting. For me it instantly created feelings of anxiety and I thought ‘is it possible to bring a third person into the room? It would take me the counsellor into an uncomfortable setting. Surely this would affect the quality of the therapeutic relationship?

Last autumn I took on the role of psychological therapist Continue reading

What I’ve learned after 100 blog posts

 

I’ve done it. I’ve reached one hundred blog posts.

I have been writing in this blog for five years. It has taken me on a professional journey I did not imagine it would take me, and has helped improve my reflective writing.

So:

  • how did I get here, and;
  • what I have I learned along the way?

Continue reading

Living with Psoriasis

Living with psoriasis can affect how confident a person feels outside of the home. It can affect both social and work situations. Whilst many people may not notice or comment on the psoriasis, unfortunately some can be rude and say hurtful things, ask personal questions or simply stare. This often leads to people with psoriasis worry about what others may think. Sometimes other people can make false assumptions about the cause of a skin difference. These beliefs and experiences can cause anxiety, which often leads the person with the skin difference to want to avoid social or work situations. Continuing on from my previous blog post Continue reading

Coping with loss and bereavement

Coping with loss and bereavement

Every time there is a significant change in our lives, such as loss and bereavement, we experience a range of feelings. It can be a confusing and frightening time. Understanding loss and bereavement can help with the grieving, and to understand what is happening. Coping with loss and bereavement is an important step forward.

The terms loss, bereavement, grief and mourning are explained below: Continue reading

Hazel has moved

Hazel has moved to 59 Wostenholme Road….

In February this year, Hazel moved her counselling practice from Wainwright Thearpy Centre to 59 Wosteholme Road. Hazel has stayed in Sheffield and remains in Netheredge (S7).

The beginning…

Continue reading

Changes in Counselling Profession

I have seen various developments and changes within counselling profession over the last 15 years. More courses are available, British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) membership has vastly increased and more counsellors are becoming private practitioners.  Counsellors and organisations have to market themselves and approach their counselling work with a business head. Online Continue reading

Walk and Talk Therapy

Walk and talk therapyWalk and Talk Therapy

Walk and talk therapy or walking therapy is becoming more popular. Not only do I have more clients requesting sessions but I also receive emails from other trained counsellors asking me questions about my Walk and Talk. I therefore thought it would be useful to write a second blog post for counsellors on how I incorporate walking therapy into my practice.

Do you need formal training to offer Walk And Talk?

I received no formal training in offering walk and talk therapy. Of course, I am a trained, Accredited BACP counsellor with over 13 years experience ! I have been providing walking therapy for over 4 years. I attended a one day Ecotherapy course in Derbyshire. This course was useful as gave me time to Continue reading

Counselling Outdoors

counselling outdoorsOther counsellors often ask about the walk talk therapy (counselling outdoors) that I offer here in Sheffield. They are intrigued to how it works and to why I came to be offering counselling outdoors as part of my business.

Walking my way through stress

I first found the benefit of walking and reflection for myself over 15 years ago. I was having a stressful time in my life and felt lonely. I walked my way through it. I found Continue reading