Miscarriage can be devastating. How do you deal with miscarriage?
Miscarriage is often an uncomfortable word and one that people do not like to hear or talk about. Yet it happens to every 1 in 4 women. Almost no-one sees a miscarriage coming and it can come as a terrible blow to women, especially as there is often an unexplained reason for it. Women not only have to deal with the physical symptoms of a miscarriage but also the emotional loss of their baby. Coping with miscarriage is a difficult process and it takes time for women to deal with miscarriage and to come to terms with the loss of the baby.
One day you are looking forward to your pregnancy and then suddenly that is all taken away from you and you are left with an empty body. Often the miscarriage is not detected until the woman’s first scan. She is expecting to see a foetus on the scan and just hears the words ‘we can find no heart beat’. Faced with a silent miscarriage is shocking and totally unexpected. Having the strength to walk out and seeing other Mum’s to be is just the beginning of your heart breaking journey. However, dealing with your emotional impact of pregnancy loss is important for both you and your partner.
So how do you deal with a miscarriage?
After a miscarriage you are given plenty of information about the miscarriage itself and how to cope with the physical side of it. But how do you go about dealing with the physiological side of a miscarriage? You are faced with people who do not understand about your loss, say insensitive words and you have silent reminders of your loss by seeing other babies at least once a day. You have to learn to mourn your loss and accept what has happened. You will be faced with a range of emotions: guilt, anger, depression, denial, envy and yearning. It is important to work through these feelings. It will take time so don’t feel bad if some of the anger, guilt or depression symptoms linger. Sharing your experience with other people who have also had to cope with miscarriage may be useful too. You will find forums in Mumsnet and pregnancy forum.
Another useful helpful tool of dealing with a pregnancy loss is writing. You will find various blogs where women have shared their miscarriage experience. It is clear that writing about is has offered them therapeutic support. So why not try it yourself? Every day give yourself 10 minutes to write down what you are feeling. Let the anger, guilt and envy come out on the paper. If it helps you can share it through forums or email counselling. Expressing feelings on paper can help you feel your emotions and enable you to learn how to deal with them. Let the tears and anger flow.
Where else can I get support?
If this does not help and you and or your partner are having difficulties facing your grief, then you may choose to seek counselling or gain support through The Miscarriage Association. This is a charity that offers support to people who have lost a baby. They have a helpline 01924 200 799 (Monday to Friday, 9am to 4pm) and an email address firstname.lastname@example.org. They can put you in touch with a support volunteer, who often has also experienced a miscarriage in the past.
Do not be alone. Accept support and allow yourself time to grieve.