Self-disclosure in counselling means a counsellor sharing personal information about themselves during a session. In many approaches, self-disclosure is used carefully, because the focus is meant to stay on the client.
The worry is that self-disclosure can sometimes:
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shift attention away from the client
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blur boundaries
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influence the client’s decisions
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change the balance of the relationship
That said, it isn’t a simple “never” or “always”.
Self-disclosure happens through presence too
Even if a counsellor says very little about themselves, clients still notice things.
For example, a client may pick up on a counsellor’s:
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values and attitudes
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culture and identity
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way of speaking
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clothing and style
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therapy room (books, pictures, objects)
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website or advertising
So, in a way, some self-disclosure happens naturally. It’s not always about what we say. It can be about what is visible.
Should a counsellor self-disclose?
I’m still undecided about self-disclosure.
Clients know I’ve experienced bereavement. Beyond that, I tend to keep my personal history private. My own difficult experiences have been worked through, and I’ve developed coping strategies.
Sometimes a client’s work may trigger a memory for me. When that happens, my responsibility is to stay present and focused on the client. If anything lingers afterwards, I take it to supervision.
Why do clients ask about self-disclosure?
Occasionally, clients ask direct questions about my experiences. When that happens, I pause and ask myself:
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What might the client be hoping for here?
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What does this question mean to them?
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Would answering help them, or stop them exploring?
Because I work with bereaved clients, a common question is: “Have you experienced bereavement?”
Sometimes that question carries a fear: “No one will understand unless they’ve been through it.” I understand why a client might ask. However, my instinct is that my story doesn’t help the client find their own. What helps most is being heard and understood in their experience.
And yet, I can also see how careful self-disclosure might sometimes build trust. If it’s thoughtful and limited, it can help a client feel less alone.
When self-disclosure is unavoidable
As a rule, I don’t answer personal questions about myself in sessions.
However, there are times when something about you is visible. For me, that is psoriasis. It comes and goes, but sometimes it is very noticeable on my face.
In that sense, self-disclosure can feel unavoidable. I cannot hide it (and I don’t want to), and most clients don’t mention it.
A few clients—especially those with skin conditions—have asked about my psoriasis. Often it is out of concern, because it can look painful (and often is). Sometimes it is also a question about coping and self-acceptance.
In those moments, I need to answer kindly, while also making sure the session stays centred on the client.
When self-disclosure becomes a distraction
Sometimes a client may ask about my psoriasis as a way of moving away from what feels hard. It can become a safer topic than their own feelings.
So I try to stay alert to the process in the room. For example:
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Are we avoiding something important?
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Is this pulling focus away from the client?
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Could this encourage dependency?
If it is a distraction, I gently return us to the client’s work.
Can self-disclosure ever help a client?
On a couple of occasions, my psoriasis has unexpectedly helped clients.
It has reassured them, and it has deepened some clients’ work around self-esteem. For some people, it can feel powerful to sit with someone who is human and imperfect, and still present and steady.
This has led me to think that self-disclosure can be helpful when it is used carefully and ethically.
The key question I try to hold is:
Does this self-disclosure serve the client?
If it meets the counsellor’s needs, becomes advice, or shifts the balance of the relationship, then it is no longer helpful.