Reading this BBC article on early perimenopause took me straight back. I felt I had been robbed of something I did not even know I could lose. I started perimenopause at 40. It was a dark time. I was told I was depressed, but it did not feel like depression. Something was wrong and I could not name it. I withdrew. I felt alone and confused.At 45 my periods stopped. I went back to the doctor. I was told, yes, this is menopause, but you cannot have HRT. In that moment I felt both seen and dismissed. It explained so much, yet it also felt too late. Hot flushes had begun in my early forties and I did not know why. They stayed with me into my early fifties.
This was the first time I had heard someone talk about early perimenopause like mine. It matters. Early perimenopause happens and many of us are misdiagnosed. I was told it was depression and I felt low for a long time, yet it never quite fit. Knowing sooner would have changed everything.
Early perimenopause happens
If your periods change in your forties, it may be perimenopause. I wish I had known that. Being mislabelled as just depressed left me isolated and confused. When I was finally told it was menopause, there was relief and grief together. I was also told I could not have HRT, so I had to think carefully about bone health.
After menopause the risk of osteoporosis rises. It can be higher if menopause happens early or if HRT is not suitable. If this is you, talk to your GP or a menopause specialist. Ask about bone checks such as a DEXA scan. Simple supports also help, like strength training, walking, vitamin D and balanced calcium intake. You deserve clear information and choice.
Friendships can get strained
Perimenopause can be hard to explain. Some friends had little patience with me. I did not have words for what was happening, so I felt difficult to be around. Naming the experience can ease shame and help you ask for what you need, such as gentler plans and a slower pace.
Naming the experience
Words help. Perimenopause and menopause can bring:
- Confusion about symptoms that look like anxiety or low mood
- Changes in sleep, energy, memory and focus
- Shifts in relationships, sex and sense of self
- A quiet grief that can feel like emptiness or a loss of confidence
When we name these, the isolation eases. You are not failing. You are adapting.
What helped me
For a long time no one believed me. I was told I was depressed, but it did not fit. I had massive mood swings, from tears to laughter. I was exhausted from poor sleep. These changes slowly helped:
- Being believed at last. When one professional said, ‘this sounds like perimenopause’, everything made more sense.
- Giving up alcohol. My sleep improved and the nights felt steadier.
- Gentle routines. Simple food, regular movement and a calm wind down before bed.
- Small pockets of connection. One trusted friend, a quiet walk, a cup of tea to mark the end of the day.
- Self compassion. Speaking to myself as I would to a client.
How I work with this in the counselling room
As an integrative counsellor I draw on person centred, relational and practical tools to meet you where you are.
- A steady, private space. A place to say the unsayable without being fixed or rushed.
- Pacing and choice. We go at your speed. You choose what feels most useful each week.
- Making sense together. We map what is happening in your body and life, and how it links to mood, sleep, work and relationships.
- Grief and anger. We honour the losses and the rage that often sit under the surface. Both are valid.
- Grounding and breath. Simple breath and grounding exercises to steady spikes and help with hot flushes and anxiety.
- Relationships and boundaries. Support to ask for what you need at home and at work.
- Values and voice. Menopause can be a turning point. We look at what matters now and how to live that more fully.
I do not give medical advice. If you want to explore medical options, I will encourage you to speak to your GP or a menopause specialist. We can also prepare for those appointments so you feel clear and confident.
If this is you
If you recognise yourself here, you are not alone and you are not too late. What you are feeling makes sense. With the right support you can understand what is happening and find steadier ground.
I offer in person sessions in Nether Edge, Sheffield S7, and online. If you would like to talk about counselling, get in touch and we can arrange an initial session to see if I am the right fit for you.