How I end a counselling session well (and why those last few minutes matter)

For the first few years as a counsellor, I found ending a counselling session difficult. I recently saw the Abunchoftherapists vlog about going to a counsellor whose session ended with the phrase ‘let’s leave it there’. It reminded me why those last few minutes matter, and how, if not handled well, an ending can feel abrupt or distancing. Over time I’ve learned to end sessions in a way that feels steady, ethical and kind. I thought I’d share what I do now.

Why endings matter

The last minutes are not an afterthought. They help your nervous system settle, protect the relationship, and turn insights into something you can carry into your week. Thoughtful endings also respect the time boundary, which is part of psychological safety for many clients.

My 7 steps for the final 10 minutes

1) Time check with care

I keep an eye on time early and invite you to name what matters most.

Try these phrases

• ‘We have about 10 minutes. What feels most important to touch before we finish?’
• ‘We are coming towards the end. What do you want to make sure we include?’
• ‘We have a few minutes left. Where would be a good place to pause?’

2) Name what is alive right now

I check the here and now so we end in contact with how you are.

Try these phrases

• ‘I notice your shoulders settled as you said that. What are you feeling in your body right now?’
• ‘As we pause, what are you noticing in yourself?’
• ‘What word best fits how you are right now?’

3) Gather the golden threads

I offer a brief summary and invite you to highlight what stood out.

Try these phrases

• ‘I am hearing themes of fear before the meeting, relief after, and pride that you showed up. What stands out for you?’
• ‘What is one sentence that captures today for you?’
• ‘What is the headline you are leaving with?’

4) Co-create a take-away

We agree something small and usable to carry into the week.

Try these phrases

• ‘What feels useful to carry into the next few days? A sentence, an image, or one small action?’
• ‘What is one thing you want to try between now and next time?’
• ‘Which part of today do you want to keep in view?’

5) Contain big new material

If tender material appears near the end, I acknowledge it and park it kindly so we can give it space next time.

Try these phrases

• ‘This matters. Let us mark it and return to it first next time.’
• ‘Can we park this safely and pick it up when we have more space?’
• ‘Would it help to jot a few words so we do not lose it?’

6) Regulate before goodbye

We steady the body so you leave feeling grounded.

Try these phrases

• ‘Before we close, let us take one slower breath and notice your feet on the ground.’
• ‘Would a sip of water or a gentle stretch help before you head out?’
• ‘Notice the chair supporting you for a moment.’

7) Confirm the bridge to next time

We agree the focus and practicalities for our next session.

Try these phrases

• ‘Next week we will pick up the family piece and check how sleep went. Does the same time work for you?’
• ‘What shall we start with when we meet again?’
• ‘I will hold this word for you and we will come back to it.’

When big feelings arrive with two minutes left

It happens. Rather than diving in and then cutting off, I will:

• • • Validate the feeling and your courage for naming it.
    • Make a clear plan to return to it next time.
    • Offer a brief regulating move now.
    • Agree a safe between-sessions note if helpful, for example a single word you want me to hold in mind.

Online endings vs in-person

Online, I allow an extra minute for the tech goodbye and suggest you leave a moment after the call to step outside or drink water. In person, I try not to ‘door-handle’ with practicalities. We can schedule first, then return for a breath and goodbye.

For counsellors in training

If endings feel clunky, practise your own two or three phrases until they are in your bones. Keep an eye on time early, not at 49 minutes. Summarising and contracting are your friends, and they are part of relational depth, not separate techniques.

For clients: how to help yourself at the end

• • • Say if endings feel difficult. We can go slower.
    • Bring one small thing you want to leave with.
    • Ask for a minute to breathe before you go.

If you want to explore therapy with me, you can read more about my approach or get in touch to ask a question. If you are a trainee wanting to develop your endings, you can read more about supervision. You can read more about Ending of counselling relationship