Do you ever catch yourself scrolling, and suddenly feel a bit smaller?
It’s a familiar knot in the stomach. Someone else is glossier, faster, tidier, happier. In a world where we can see everyone’s highlight reel, it’s easy to lose sight of our own lives. Young people tell me this all the time: “Everyone’s ahead.” It’s painful — and very human.
‘Comparison is the thief of joy’ (quote by Theodore Rosevelt) is a line that rings true because comparison pulls us out of our own story. We stop noticing what matters to us and start chasing what looks good on someone else.
Why comparison hurts (and why it’s so sticky)
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You’re comparing your behind-the-scenes to their best bits. We rarely see the mess, drafts, or tears.
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It shifts your focus outward. Instead of “What do I need?” the question becomes “What do they have?”
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It fuels anxiety and shame. The brain starts scanning for threats and “evidence” that we’re not enough.
If this is you, you’re not broken. Your brain is trying to keep you safe by monitoring the group. It just needs kinder instructions.
A gentler way back to yourself
Here are small, realistic steps I use in therapy and share with students and young adults. Take what helps; leave the rest.
1) Notice your triggers
When do you fall into the scroll hole? Late at night? After an exam? Name it kindly: “I’m comparing. That’s a sign I’m tired/overloaded.”
Tiny tweak: set app timers or keep one “protected hour” phone-free (e.g., breakfast or before bed).
2) Ask a better question
Swap “How do I measure up?” for “What matters to me today?”
Try these prompts in your notes app:
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What do I want to move towards this week?
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What would be good enough, not perfect?
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One thing I can do in 10 minutes?
3) Turn down the noise
Curate your feed. Mute accounts that spike envy or self-criticism (even if you like them). Follow people who feel real, kind, or creative. Your attention is precious — spend it where you feel nourished.
4) Practise friendly attention
Two minutes, once a day: feet on the floor, one hand on your chest, slow breath out. Say, “This is hard — and I’m doing my best.” It isn’t fluffy; it steadies the nervous system and softens the inner critic.
5) Keep a done list
Perfection blinds us to progress. Each evening jot three ordinary wins: sent the email, walked the dog, replied to a friend. Progress, not performance.
6) Grow joy through connection
Comparison isolates; real contact repairs. Message one person you trust. Share something small and true. Moments of being seen — and seeing others — are the antidote to feeling “less than”.
For teens and students (and the adults who love them)
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Transitions amplify comparison. Starting uni, changing courses, moving city — everyone looks sorted. They aren’t. Give yourself a longer runway.
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Alcohol and anxiety: If social anxiety means you only go out when you’ve had a drink, that’s a sign you deserve support, not shame. There are steadier ways to feel safe in your body (breathing, grounding, leaving plans).
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Horses, hobbies, and headspace: Time with animals, sport, music — anything embodied — helps reset an anxious system. It’s not “just a hobby”; it’s medicine.
If this feels stuck
If comparison is tipping into constant anxiety, low mood, or you’re avoiding things you care about, counselling can help. We’ll slow it down, understand what comparison does for you (it often protects against deeper fears), and build a kinder, more values-led way to live.
You don’t have to do this alone
How I work
I’m an integrative counsellor in Sheffield. That means we start with the relationship — warmth, honesty, no judgement — and then shape the work to fit you. Sometimes that’s practical tools for anxiety; sometimes it’s deeper work on shame, grief, or people-pleasing. Always at your pace.
If you’d like to explore this together, you’re welcome to get in touch.