Never say ‘the end’ to friendships

never say the end to friendshipsToday on the Chris Evans show, Chris was joined by Rev. Richard Coles and Jimmy Somerville. The two former ‘’Communards’ Band members were there for separate reasons. Jimmy was there to share his music while Richard was there to lead ‘Pause for Thought’. Richard Coles talked about friendships that have crashed and burned and how we should look back at them without anger and resentment.

Value of forgiveness

His speech made me think and reminded me the value of forgiveness and how we should value old friendships that we have lost, especially those that were meaningful to us. His message reminds us that our door should always be open along with our hearts. It is important not to let the anger fester inside of us. Once we have worked out through the pain, we need to look back at the good times and remember the person with a smile. It is often something I have to help my clients deal with. It is common for clients who are divorced or fallen out with colleagues or relatives. If they hold onto the anger, they find it impossible to forgive and move on.

I thought you would like to read the words that Rev. Richard Coles said and I would be interested to hear your views on it too.

Pause for Thought with Richard Coles……

 When others discover that I was in the communards, often the first question they ask is ‘Do you still see Jimmy?’ I am not sure why. Perhaps it is just curiosity about what happens to people bands – Where are they now? But sometimes I sense a slight edge.  A bit like asking after someone’s ex-husband or wife. Yes, there were tears. There were tantrums. There was a time when Jimmy told a security guard I was an unwelcome fan and had me thrown out of a hotel. Unfortunately, it was the hotel  I too was staying in. Every time I tried getting back in, I was thrown out again. Four times. Thanks for that Jimmy.

Bands crash and burn. Friendships falter, old comrades fade but the one thing I have learned in the life of faith is not to say ‘the end’ too hastily. Last year when I writing my memoir, a lot about Jimmy, some of it personal. I got in touch, offered him a preview and right of veto. ‘Not necessary, you have every entitlement to write your truth’, he wrote. ‘I am very aware of our history and some of it I may shudder and cringe at. We also have a powerful, unique and truly wonderful history too. Bring it on.’never say goodbye

 Beyond the howl and crackle of knock about politics. Beyond anger too easily let loose, resentment too carefully hoarded. There is a wider, deeper tale to be told. On this retrospective day when the world look back at conflicts forgotten and peace restored.  I look back too Jimmy. A wonderful history and thank you for it and observe in a real sense and a very special way ‘we never can say goodbye’.

And finally….

Co-incidently as I was writing this blog post, the post arrived and I received a letter from a friend who I have lost touch with. It was a surprise but a lovely one.  I have a choice to remember what split us up and hold the resentment which will continue to divide us or I can remember and thank them for the good times. I know which one I will choose.

 

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Hazel Hill has a private supervision and counselling practice in Sheffield. As well as having a private Sheffield and online practice, her clinical experience includes working for IAPT, EAP's affiliate work, and charity. Hazel specialises in workplace counselling, bereavement, anxiety and depression and outdoors counselling. You can contact her on 07814 363855

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